Proud of you, boo, however long you decide not to drink. Two months is an accomplishment! So kudos! Tbh I've been thinking about it a lot more but I already don't drink very often as it is so I'm not sure I need to cut it out entirely. (I say this having just bought a bottle of wine and am one-glass in.) But when I do, like you, I do tend to go a bit overboard and the next day is always a wash. I think it's this all-or-nothing mentality I'm struggling with. Anyway, thanks for sharing! Lot to think about.💗
Thank you, love you! I struggle with the all-or-nothing mentality in sooooo many ways. Funny, I have been making notes for a post about exactly that! I never really considered that I needed to stop drinking because I never drink at home, and only when we’re out with friends. But it was becoming a “I can’t just go out and have 2 drinks” situation. All in good fun, but feeling horrendous for at least 2 days afterwards was getting less and less cute. 😅 Saying no to booze is getting easier and easier, and then it’s easier to say yes to good things. Love that vibe. (Would absolutely love a wine with you like our old days though…maybe I could find a non-alcoholic one hahah)
I do miss our wine nights!! Still think about them all the time 🥰 Coming to Hanoi in Oct, maybe earlier. Really hope you'll still be around then. Can't wait to read your next post.💗
Love this post so much. Drinking alcohol impacted my anxiety and mental health terribly and I felt like it was holding me back. I quit drinking 2 years ago and now write about it weekly so hopefully I can even pass along a smidgen of helpful advice or support. Every milestone deserves a celebration so you should be really proud of yourself!
Wow Sophie, congratulations on 2+ years, that’s an incredible achievement. I can totally relate to the mental health badness around drinking. Love that you’re sharing your experience and advice through your writing ❤️ Here’s to more success 💪🏻🙏🏻
Thanks for publishing this! I’ve been there 100s of times. After spending 10 years in the wine business, I officially stopped drinking in 2016. It was absolutely the right and one of the best decisions I’ve made in my entire life. As an extreme extrovert, alcohol simply made everything better, easier, funnier, smoother, right until waking up the next morning puking and worrying about what I did or didn’t do or say to god knows who…
I’ve probably had 10 drinks total since 2016, not slip ups but “trys” I call them and it just doesn’t work anymore. The feeling after one drink is sadness and and despair for the coming lost hours. I can’t help now but think about alcohol and it’s only ability to derail me from my goals.
The only way I describe sobriety 6 weeks after your last drink is “a disturbing yet very necessary level of clarity “
Thanks, Ian! I appreciate your comment so much. And congrats on making that choice way back in 2016…just imagine all the happy little brain and liver cells that are still around and healthy because of that! Being in the wine business would have made it so tough to be in control and make the choice to stop, I can imagine. It’s funny you mention the feeling of sadness you get after just one drink…I caught myself wondering how good it would be to just order a beer with lunch earlier this week (we were being visited by friends we haven’t seen in a couple of years). Immediately, instead of “oh that would be amazing” I felt a mini wave of panic…for the lost hours ahead. I suppose that’s the sure sign we’ve done the right thing - when even thinking about drinking doesn’t feel good.
yes, agreed. A beer with lunch will always sound like such damn good idea to me, probably for ever. It’s day by by day right? Every positive decision turning potentially lost hours into, a minimum, sober and clear headed hours.
Exactly! It aaaaalways sounds like a good idea. And I still get pangs of FOMO if I’m with friends. Or worse, I feel guilty for making them feel like they shouldn’t drink because I’m not (ridiculous). But it’s day by day, like you say. Gets easier over time I’m sure!
I so appreciate this honest reflection on the role of alcohol. I've never been a huge drinker, but particularly in the last year I've been more aware than ever of what drinking can steal from me - e.g. Sunday mornings! I still drink a little, but very intentionally, and I've been leaning into the joy of daytime activities, especially because I am also lucky enough to live in Asia for now and don't want to miss an opportunity for adventure. I also did couch to 5k last year and it really made a huge impact on my life, I can't recommend it enough, I just ran my first 10k in April!
Hello fellow Asia-side friend! Congratulations on your first 10k, that is literally amazing! I aspire to that - but haven’t even started running hahaha. Being intentional with drinking is such a big key. And I’m completely useless at it! Same goes for food. As soon as I’m out of the house and with friends, or out of my routine, having intention goes out the window. I need to work on that. I love that it’s working for you, it’s such an incredible skill to have!
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not your everyday alcoholic. And I’ve known alcoholics, believe me. I rub shoulders with a fistful of them, on a spectrum from functional to how-the-fuck-is-your-liver-not-a-sieve. No, I’m not an unremitting inebriate (no shade to the unremitting inebriates amongst you, just establishing a baseline here). But like many elder millennials, I’m an Accidental Binge Drinker. "
I'm also an accidental binge drinker, or as I like to call it, an accidental fast consumer. It's hard for me to have a drink slowly. And so, I end up drinking more of them. But I enjoyed this piece and wish you the best forward. What's also useful is adopting this mindset during any day - not just weekends. I, like many, enjoy a good bourbon during a weeknight. But, it is a counterproductive and unhealthy thing to do.
Another tool that helps me: tracking. I count my drinks, every day. It gives me another reason to be accountable and actually understand what I'm consuming.
Thank you for the kind words, I’m glad you enjoyed reading! I also struggle with drinking slowly, so that’s a big issue for me. Tracking is a great idea! I am a bit useless at keeping any kind of track when I’m out with friends, which is why saying a flat no to booze has been working for me. But when we’ve got weddings in the wine region coming up later this year, maybe this could work for me? 🙏🏻
My workaround for useless (for me) so far is to track # of drinks only. There are some other more comprehensive ways to track by using both volume and ABV, but my problem was I couldn't keep that up when I was out. Was constantly asking what was in things, rather than enjoying. So, now, I just track the count. And I'm usually not having enough that I can't keep track.
That said, you are following the ultimately healthier path! Happy to share my tracking sheet if it's a start for you.
That is a much easier way to do things. I don’t think it will work for me - unless maybe I pre-plan with a limit in mind and let my partner in on it. Like, I’m going to have 2 glasses of wine tonight and then switch to soda. Etc. We’ll see when these weddings in the wine region come up!
I've obviously had a million day ones— to quit drinking, I mean. I also have the all-or-nothing mentality, and I could never moderate my drinking regardless of my intentions. What makes this even more difficult is AuDHD, which is a combination of both autism and adhd. I'm glad to read experiences of people who've managed to stay off the booze for a significant amount of time because it proves that it's possible even if I've failed a thousand times before. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece which portrays your aura and personality. I look forward to more of your pieces especially on your sobriety journey.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, Miriam! And thank you for sharing about how AuDHD plays into your journey 🧡 I know for me, the all or nothing mentality applies just as much to drinking as it does to my idea of failure. I’m prone to thinking, well I’ve tried a thousand times before and it’s never worked, so why try? So, I’m very glad if this essay gave you a little sense of hope. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in any field - so many it takes many, many tries to become more of an expert at knowing our limits, or indeed quitting drinking completely. Sending you love and strength.
It's so beautiful how you always put so much thought into your responses. I completely agree with you that this mentality is closely tied to our perspective on failure. I think it correlates to perfectionism because even a small setback, like not completing one task on my to-do list, makes me think, "Well, I didn't finish everything I was supposed to do, so it qualifies as a failure." But then again people like you who are in their 30s, and it seems things do get better as one ages. It's so refreshing to see my future self in you hihihi...
In Gretchen Rubin's book "Better than Before," she suggests breaking down our days in such a way that even if you're disappointed with something you did in the morning, you can remind yourself that it's just the first quarter of the day, and you still have the rest of it to make better choices.
Easier said than done, of course. But great advice nonetheless
That’s so lovely of you, thank you! I really love that people take the time to comment on something I’ve written and give such thoughtful comments, so it’s the least I can do! I really love that idea of breaking the day into smaller chunks so you don’t count the whole day as a failure - I’m going to try that out! Thank you! And I just turned 40 in December, so I’m officially middle aged now 😂 Stay tuned for all my updates on how my body and mind are falling apart hahaha!
Dang! That's wonderful! How does it feel to be 40? I would very much like to see how everything unfolds for you as you move forward. Thank you so much for sharing a huge part of yourself with your online family. You might not see the magnitude and the rippling effects of what you do, but I would like to remind you of the same. You make growing up as an adult to be less scary, and actually fun despite the many setbacks that often come along. And of course, I learn so much from you as a writer! Talk to you soon, and take care ♥️♥️
It feels good, I’ve always loved getting older (but my post ‘My Mid-Life Crisis Isn’t a Red Ferrari’ goes into this more haha). But I will admit, the minute I turned 40, I started to feel my body fall apart haha. Hence, my newfound obsession with healthier choices 😅
Thank you for your sweet and kind words, Miriam! You are too kind! ♥️
Thanks for sharing, Brad. I don’t have OCD or GAD but I do have a little social anxiety and (-(a lot of) PTSD (a story for another time). I can sympathise with how drinking dulls those things for you and is therefore hard to give up! You’re certainly not alone there, and it’s definitely got to be scary to consider! Are there other coping strategies you have for when your anxiety and OCD flare up? I know for me and PTSD, there’s so little that helps. I feel your pain. Thanks for reading and I’ll keep updating how progress goes!
First up, big huge congrats on 870 days!! 🎉 🥳 that is incredible! I hear you on the other not-so-healthy habits sneaking in, I always seem to have that issue (less social media, more doom scrolling the news etc). Having a parent who’s died, and coming near that age, has a really sneaking impact on us, doesn’t it! (My dad died at 55 of cancer and I’m now 40…every year I think how close I am getting, and how I don’t want that to be me.) I hope your journey continues to go well for you, because it sounds like you’ve done amazingly at what a lot of people DON’T get to early enough! And thank you so much for the kind words, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it! ♥️
Proud of you, boo, however long you decide not to drink. Two months is an accomplishment! So kudos! Tbh I've been thinking about it a lot more but I already don't drink very often as it is so I'm not sure I need to cut it out entirely. (I say this having just bought a bottle of wine and am one-glass in.) But when I do, like you, I do tend to go a bit overboard and the next day is always a wash. I think it's this all-or-nothing mentality I'm struggling with. Anyway, thanks for sharing! Lot to think about.💗
Thank you, love you! I struggle with the all-or-nothing mentality in sooooo many ways. Funny, I have been making notes for a post about exactly that! I never really considered that I needed to stop drinking because I never drink at home, and only when we’re out with friends. But it was becoming a “I can’t just go out and have 2 drinks” situation. All in good fun, but feeling horrendous for at least 2 days afterwards was getting less and less cute. 😅 Saying no to booze is getting easier and easier, and then it’s easier to say yes to good things. Love that vibe. (Would absolutely love a wine with you like our old days though…maybe I could find a non-alcoholic one hahah)
I do miss our wine nights!! Still think about them all the time 🥰 Coming to Hanoi in Oct, maybe earlier. Really hope you'll still be around then. Can't wait to read your next post.💗
Me too!! We’ll be leaving VN at the end of June 😭 heading to South Africa for a while!
Love this post so much. Drinking alcohol impacted my anxiety and mental health terribly and I felt like it was holding me back. I quit drinking 2 years ago and now write about it weekly so hopefully I can even pass along a smidgen of helpful advice or support. Every milestone deserves a celebration so you should be really proud of yourself!
Wow Sophie, congratulations on 2+ years, that’s an incredible achievement. I can totally relate to the mental health badness around drinking. Love that you’re sharing your experience and advice through your writing ❤️ Here’s to more success 💪🏻🙏🏻
Thank you so much! 🩷🥰
Thanks for publishing this! I’ve been there 100s of times. After spending 10 years in the wine business, I officially stopped drinking in 2016. It was absolutely the right and one of the best decisions I’ve made in my entire life. As an extreme extrovert, alcohol simply made everything better, easier, funnier, smoother, right until waking up the next morning puking and worrying about what I did or didn’t do or say to god knows who…
I’ve probably had 10 drinks total since 2016, not slip ups but “trys” I call them and it just doesn’t work anymore. The feeling after one drink is sadness and and despair for the coming lost hours. I can’t help now but think about alcohol and it’s only ability to derail me from my goals.
The only way I describe sobriety 6 weeks after your last drink is “a disturbing yet very necessary level of clarity “
Stoked to read more of your writing 👍
Thanks, Ian! I appreciate your comment so much. And congrats on making that choice way back in 2016…just imagine all the happy little brain and liver cells that are still around and healthy because of that! Being in the wine business would have made it so tough to be in control and make the choice to stop, I can imagine. It’s funny you mention the feeling of sadness you get after just one drink…I caught myself wondering how good it would be to just order a beer with lunch earlier this week (we were being visited by friends we haven’t seen in a couple of years). Immediately, instead of “oh that would be amazing” I felt a mini wave of panic…for the lost hours ahead. I suppose that’s the sure sign we’ve done the right thing - when even thinking about drinking doesn’t feel good.
yes, agreed. A beer with lunch will always sound like such damn good idea to me, probably for ever. It’s day by by day right? Every positive decision turning potentially lost hours into, a minimum, sober and clear headed hours.
Exactly! It aaaaalways sounds like a good idea. And I still get pangs of FOMO if I’m with friends. Or worse, I feel guilty for making them feel like they shouldn’t drink because I’m not (ridiculous). But it’s day by day, like you say. Gets easier over time I’m sure!
I so appreciate this honest reflection on the role of alcohol. I've never been a huge drinker, but particularly in the last year I've been more aware than ever of what drinking can steal from me - e.g. Sunday mornings! I still drink a little, but very intentionally, and I've been leaning into the joy of daytime activities, especially because I am also lucky enough to live in Asia for now and don't want to miss an opportunity for adventure. I also did couch to 5k last year and it really made a huge impact on my life, I can't recommend it enough, I just ran my first 10k in April!
Hello fellow Asia-side friend! Congratulations on your first 10k, that is literally amazing! I aspire to that - but haven’t even started running hahaha. Being intentional with drinking is such a big key. And I’m completely useless at it! Same goes for food. As soon as I’m out of the house and with friends, or out of my routine, having intention goes out the window. I need to work on that. I love that it’s working for you, it’s such an incredible skill to have!
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not your everyday alcoholic. And I’ve known alcoholics, believe me. I rub shoulders with a fistful of them, on a spectrum from functional to how-the-fuck-is-your-liver-not-a-sieve. No, I’m not an unremitting inebriate (no shade to the unremitting inebriates amongst you, just establishing a baseline here). But like many elder millennials, I’m an Accidental Binge Drinker. "
I'm also an accidental binge drinker, or as I like to call it, an accidental fast consumer. It's hard for me to have a drink slowly. And so, I end up drinking more of them. But I enjoyed this piece and wish you the best forward. What's also useful is adopting this mindset during any day - not just weekends. I, like many, enjoy a good bourbon during a weeknight. But, it is a counterproductive and unhealthy thing to do.
Another tool that helps me: tracking. I count my drinks, every day. It gives me another reason to be accountable and actually understand what I'm consuming.
Thank you for the kind words, I’m glad you enjoyed reading! I also struggle with drinking slowly, so that’s a big issue for me. Tracking is a great idea! I am a bit useless at keeping any kind of track when I’m out with friends, which is why saying a flat no to booze has been working for me. But when we’ve got weddings in the wine region coming up later this year, maybe this could work for me? 🙏🏻
My workaround for useless (for me) so far is to track # of drinks only. There are some other more comprehensive ways to track by using both volume and ABV, but my problem was I couldn't keep that up when I was out. Was constantly asking what was in things, rather than enjoying. So, now, I just track the count. And I'm usually not having enough that I can't keep track.
That said, you are following the ultimately healthier path! Happy to share my tracking sheet if it's a start for you.
That is a much easier way to do things. I don’t think it will work for me - unless maybe I pre-plan with a limit in mind and let my partner in on it. Like, I’m going to have 2 glasses of wine tonight and then switch to soda. Etc. We’ll see when these weddings in the wine region come up!
Yep, I think you need to be very deliberate about how you're going to set that limit. Otherwise, not going to work.
What a fascinating read!
I've obviously had a million day ones— to quit drinking, I mean. I also have the all-or-nothing mentality, and I could never moderate my drinking regardless of my intentions. What makes this even more difficult is AuDHD, which is a combination of both autism and adhd. I'm glad to read experiences of people who've managed to stay off the booze for a significant amount of time because it proves that it's possible even if I've failed a thousand times before. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece which portrays your aura and personality. I look forward to more of your pieces especially on your sobriety journey.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, Miriam! And thank you for sharing about how AuDHD plays into your journey 🧡 I know for me, the all or nothing mentality applies just as much to drinking as it does to my idea of failure. I’m prone to thinking, well I’ve tried a thousand times before and it’s never worked, so why try? So, I’m very glad if this essay gave you a little sense of hope. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in any field - so many it takes many, many tries to become more of an expert at knowing our limits, or indeed quitting drinking completely. Sending you love and strength.
It's so beautiful how you always put so much thought into your responses. I completely agree with you that this mentality is closely tied to our perspective on failure. I think it correlates to perfectionism because even a small setback, like not completing one task on my to-do list, makes me think, "Well, I didn't finish everything I was supposed to do, so it qualifies as a failure." But then again people like you who are in their 30s, and it seems things do get better as one ages. It's so refreshing to see my future self in you hihihi...
In Gretchen Rubin's book "Better than Before," she suggests breaking down our days in such a way that even if you're disappointed with something you did in the morning, you can remind yourself that it's just the first quarter of the day, and you still have the rest of it to make better choices.
Easier said than done, of course. But great advice nonetheless
That’s so lovely of you, thank you! I really love that people take the time to comment on something I’ve written and give such thoughtful comments, so it’s the least I can do! I really love that idea of breaking the day into smaller chunks so you don’t count the whole day as a failure - I’m going to try that out! Thank you! And I just turned 40 in December, so I’m officially middle aged now 😂 Stay tuned for all my updates on how my body and mind are falling apart hahaha!
Dang! That's wonderful! How does it feel to be 40? I would very much like to see how everything unfolds for you as you move forward. Thank you so much for sharing a huge part of yourself with your online family. You might not see the magnitude and the rippling effects of what you do, but I would like to remind you of the same. You make growing up as an adult to be less scary, and actually fun despite the many setbacks that often come along. And of course, I learn so much from you as a writer! Talk to you soon, and take care ♥️♥️
It feels good, I’ve always loved getting older (but my post ‘My Mid-Life Crisis Isn’t a Red Ferrari’ goes into this more haha). But I will admit, the minute I turned 40, I started to feel my body fall apart haha. Hence, my newfound obsession with healthier choices 😅
Thank you for your sweet and kind words, Miriam! You are too kind! ♥️
Thanks for sharing, Brad. I don’t have OCD or GAD but I do have a little social anxiety and (-(a lot of) PTSD (a story for another time). I can sympathise with how drinking dulls those things for you and is therefore hard to give up! You’re certainly not alone there, and it’s definitely got to be scary to consider! Are there other coping strategies you have for when your anxiety and OCD flare up? I know for me and PTSD, there’s so little that helps. I feel your pain. Thanks for reading and I’ll keep updating how progress goes!
First up, big huge congrats on 870 days!! 🎉 🥳 that is incredible! I hear you on the other not-so-healthy habits sneaking in, I always seem to have that issue (less social media, more doom scrolling the news etc). Having a parent who’s died, and coming near that age, has a really sneaking impact on us, doesn’t it! (My dad died at 55 of cancer and I’m now 40…every year I think how close I am getting, and how I don’t want that to be me.) I hope your journey continues to go well for you, because it sounds like you’ve done amazingly at what a lot of people DON’T get to early enough! And thank you so much for the kind words, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it! ♥️